Why did you become a first responder?

When I joined the Canadian Forces in 2006, I was driven by a desire to serve. I was somewhat aware of the global issues after 9/11 and wanted to do my part for Canada. I wasn’t serving purely to help the people of Afghanistan, and I don’t think I was driven by a patriotic duty for my country either. The way I saw it was that if other Canadians were risking their lives, I wanted to help as well.

I deployed to Afghanistan in 2008 and quickly saw my innocent motives change in the face of the harsh realities of war. Initially, I thought we were truly helping the Afghans and was excited to do my part. But after losing several friends to combat – and nearly dying several times – my perspective changed.

I became disconnected from my purpose. I no longer cared about the mission. I only cared about survival – and the survival of my friends. In my mind, our patrols and actions were no longer meaningful. What’s the point? We go out, get shot at, people get hurt, and nothing changes. What is it for?

By the time I returned home, I was a different person altogether. I was jaded, struggling with invisible wounds, and grieving the loss of too many of my friends. My six-month deployment changed the trajectory of my life, and after NATO withdrew and the Taliban took over Afghanistan, it all appeared to be for nothing.

I then became a police officer and spent 12 years serving in a different capacity. The last 5 years of my career were spent in training section, where I played a role in preparing new officers for their careers. I saw the new generation of officers joining. They were bright-eyed and eager, full of purpose and drive. I would see these same officers several years later in training, and they were changed.

They had gone through the same transition that I experienced in Afghanistan – and later as a police officer. When you join the first responder field, you are full of ambition. You have your view of the difference you will make in the community. You see yourself as a helper, a “guardian” of sorts. Then, your preconceived notions of serving are met with the brutal reality of the world.

Over time, your initial purpose fades from view. You work hard, but see that your actions aren’t making as big of an impact as you initially expected. Pressures build, societal issues worsen, and organizational politics interfere. The trauma and stress mount, affecting your health, straining relationships, and challenging core beliefs. It's easy to wonder, What’s the point of it all?

We all change, especially after experiencing the reality of being a first responder. It's a demanding career that can leave you questioning why you joined in the first place. When this happens, it's time to revisit your purpose from a new perspective.

If your initial purpose in joining is no longer enough to keep you engaged and motivated, can you find a new purpose? Can you find a new meaning?

My purpose has evolved substantially over the years. I joined policing to help my community. In patrol, I saw the effects of our revolving door “justice system,” and it felt like I was simply putting band-aids on issues instead of solving core issues. That led me to Beats, where I could work in a smaller area, build relationships, solve problems, and see the impacts of my actions.

From there, I wanted to serve our officers as a trainer and peer-support member. That passion led me to find meaning differently, helping those who were directly helping the community. I eventually left policing to pursue new paths, allowing me to grow differently. I was able to help my late wife as a caregiver while she battled cancer. Now, I’m continuing to make meaning and find new purpose as I grow and move forward with my life.

Wherever you are in your career, if you feel disconnected from your purpose, that’s normal and okay. You can shape your purpose and find new meaning in different ways. If you take an active role in finding purpose, you will experience improved mental well-being and engagement.

Today’s motivation: Spend a few minutes reflecting on purpose. Do you need to reconnect with it or discover a new one? Finding meaning in your life and work will help inspire you to remain engaged and overcome adversity.