Do your actions match your values?

Most people would claim they value their mental and physical health, their relationships with their family, and quality time with their kids. However, despite positive intentions, our behavior sometimes doesn’t match our intent.

One night, after dinner, I was playing games with my kids. I had a lot on my mind and was in a bit of a down mood. I was trying to plan out the week, juggling kids’ activities and work, and feeling anxious about everything that needed doing. As a result, I was distracted and disengaged from the game we were playing.

As I watched my kids laughing and joking with each other, I noticed a stark contrast between their level of fun and my being glum and quiet. I realized I was being a wet blanket, and my behavior wasn’t matching my values. Despite my “playing games” with them, I wasn’t present. I could have been in another room, and they probably wouldn’t have even noticed—given my level of engagement.

After that realization, I took a breath and allowed myself to park my concerns for the time being to focus on being there for my kids. I salvaged the quality time with them because I noticed my actions weren’t matching my values – and I did something about it.

Upon reflection, I realized this is a trap many people fall into. We like to think we value certain things, often altruistic and positive values, but our behavior dictates what we actually prioritize in our lives.

I can say that I value my health all I want, but if I don’t practice positive coping mechanisms, eat healthy, exercise, and get enough sleep, am I really valuing my health? If I value financial independence, am I saving money and spending less than I earn? If I value my partner, am I ensuring I demonstrate my love and show they are valued? Or am I just pretending to care?

I’m not saying these things to call anyone out because I’ve also been guilty. We get distracted and caught up in life, and our actions stray from our values. It’s not that we don’t care. Like my game night with my kids, these things happen, and we just need a reminder to refocus our efforts.

Dr. Steven Hayes, the founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, emphasizes the importance of aligning our actions with our values to improve our well-being and quality of life. This principle is a cornerstone of ACT, which advocates for mindfulness and acceptance strategies to foster better psychological health.

The focus of this article is to remind you to check if your actions align with your values. Do you invest time into the things that are important to you? If you don’t, there are likely one of two things at play:

1. You simply need to adjust your behavior to get back on track again.
2. You need to examine your values, and if certain ones are no longer important, adopt new values that support the life you want to live.

If you can lead a life in alignment with your values, you will experience greater satisfaction and enjoyment. It’s not about perfection but continuing to make small improvements that will improve your sense of fulfillment and well-being.

This weekend, take a few minutes to identify three key values of yours, then consider one change you can make in your daily routine to align your actions with each.