There is a lot of power in our thoughts and the stories we tell ourselves. You possess the ability to change your story after experiencing trauma so that you can lead a happier and more fulfilling life. In this article, I will share how my perspective as a combat veteran was flawed, causing me to be held back in my recovery and growth. 

In September 2008, I returned to Canada after a combat deployment to Afghanistan. Shortly after I came home, my parents held a welcome party for me with my family members. Unexpectedly, I couldn’t help but feel anxious and agitated. Among the normal conversations with my family, I felt a growing sense of tension and dread building in me. These feelings continued to build until I had to excuse myself and get some space.   

I remember thinking, what was wrong with me? I was surrounded by my family, whom I loved, in a safe environment, the home that I had grown up in. I couldn’t shake the images and feelings of the war, and I felt conflicting emotions as I struggled to make sense of what I was going through. That was my first vivid experience that showed me something was off in my mind.

My biggest mistake in my belief systems after Afghanistan was that I believed that what I was going through was “normal” and that it would resolve itself in time without effort on my part. This belief led me to minimize and ignore my reactions and behaviors, and as a result, I suffered for much longer than I should have.

At the time, I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know the habits I could have employed that would have significantly improved my recovery. I didn’t know that I had to attend therapy to unpack my memories, resolve the stuck points, and file them away where they belong. I didn’t know that medication could have improved my symptoms of depression. I didn’t know the power of self-reflection through journaling or how to re-frame my perspective toward a more positive and constructive viewpoint. Fortunately, I knew that I would eventually be able to use those experiences to help others, and I was able to find and assign meaning, which helped provide purpose.

The story I was telling myself was limiting my ability to recover and grow. I was unconsciously putting a governor on my potential because I believed that my journey of recovery was “normal.” I also held on to my identity as a combat veteran because that identity brought false meaning, and I was unknowingly suffering from survivor’s guilt. “I am expected to be this way because I’m a combat veteran… So why would I need to change it?”

Research has shown that trauma can challenge our assumptive view of the world. The constructs we build in our minds help us navigate our lives, and usually, these are beneficial because they provide structure and predictability in an otherwise chaotic world. However, when we experience something that conflicts with our assumptive world, turmoil occurs because our deep-held beliefs are no longer sufficient to explain and guide our lives.

The constructs I had built for myself were broken. My usual thought patterns, mindset, and behaviors were insufficient to continue my growth. I had to find a new approach to life to integrate my trauma experiences and build a new perspective that was going to serve me rather than continue to hold me back.  

It wasn’t until I started to shift my identity to more than “just another broken combat veteran” that I was able to realize that it wasn’t the life I wanted to live. I wanted to be a good husband and father, a good police officer, someone with a positive outlook on life, able to experience fun and joy again. The only way I could make that happen was to let go of my previous identity, to integrate and merge who I was, so that I could become something more.

When I began to see myself as someone not defined by my combat experience, I could recognize the limitations I was placing on myself. For example, a good husband and father is present in their family’s lives, is not hypervigilant when out in public, and doesn’t get angry or agitated when driving. As soon as I started to identify as someone different, I could start the work on improving the things that no longer fit my new identity and image of who I wanted to be.

What identity are you allowing yourself to hold on to? Is this the identity of someone you are proud of, the person you want to be? Or are you doing what I did and letting your previous experiences define who you are?

The key to my ability to really make progress on my PTSD was when I recognized that I was more than my trauma, and I changed the story I was telling myself around it. Once I changed my thoughts, I could change my feelings and behaviors, eventually improving my entire life.

My question to you is what identity are you holding on to? Are you allowing yourself to be defined by your trauma, or are you opening yourself up to build a new identity that will make you better as a result?

It’s important to recognize that you are not defined by your traumas. We all have the potential and ability to shift our perspective and build an identity that serves us at this stage in our lives. It isn’t easy, but by committing to the process of growth and keeping faith in the journey, you are able to overcome the limitations that are holding you back.

For me, it was a combination of time, education, social support, positive coping mechanisms, and therapy that allowed me to reframe my perspective and identity to drive my post-traumatic growth.