It’s easy to tell people to reach out when they are struggling, but for those of you who have been in that dark place, you know how difficult it is. When you are alone with your thoughts, battling your inner demons, and suffering from your issues, you feel a mixture of guilt, fear, or shame holding you back from picking up the phone.

I have experienced this many times in my life, and my goal with this article is to help address some of the common barriers to asking for help – to increase awareness and reduce stigma.  

Here are five common barriers to asking for help:

1.  Recognizing there's even a problem in the first place.

I would argue that the first challenge to asking for help is simply recognizing a problem or how serious the problem actually is. If your career involves repeated exposure to high stress and trauma, over time, it becomes normalized. It is seen as simply "part of the job." This culture of acceptance of the side effects that come from managing high levels of stress results in members downplaying their symptoms of burnout and trauma. 

You started having some extra drinks to help you unwind after work. You never feel rested anymore and haven't slept well in years. You find yourself having less patience with your family's frustrations. You feel on edge constantly and realize you don't experience as much enjoyment in things as you used to. 

Any of these issues in isolation might not cause immediate alarm. However, we tend to downplay those experiences because they come on gradually – and our peers also experience the same things. We rationalize everything, explaining away the problems. Recognizing this requires looking at the entire picture rather than explaining away individual issues.

2.  Admitting we have a problem conflicts with our self-identity.

Our beliefs shape our perception and our identity. We hesitate to question those beliefs, especially if they form part of our identity. So, if we identify as someone who can manage stress, who can cope with the traumas at work, and be "fine," then attempts to illuminate our problems might be seen as an attack on our identity. 

I have experienced this myself and seen it in others. We want to believe that we are good and are managing things appropriately. You've built an identity around being tough, reliable, and resilient. Admitting you are struggling causes you to feel like a failure, as if your issues somehow make you a fraud. 

Your struggles are not an indicator that you aren't tough. Admitting you have a problem takes courage, vulnerability, and strength, and you can be proud of yourself for taking that step.

3. Stigma 

Another factor is stigma. Despite recent progress, some people still hold the view that mental illness is a weakness. They openly discuss how if you "can't handle the job, then you have no business being here." They will openly disparage other members who are struggling.

We've all seen or heard members claim that "Kyle" is abusing the system and taking advantage of sick leave for mental health. "He can't be suffering; he's lazy and hasn't been to any difficult calls." The problem is that we internalize these feelings. "If they are saying those things about Kyle, what would they say about me? I don't want them to think I'm faking it." This reduces the likelihood that we will ask for help. 

There’s a saying I love for dealing with stigma: those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.

4.  Feeling like you are letting others down.

This factor is prevalent among high-performing teams. Sometimes, you feel like you are letting your team down if you take time off to heal and recover. You recognize you have a problem and know you will likely need to step back a bit to heal. You know how short-staffed and overworked your team is, and if you had to back out, even temporarily, your team would bear the burden. 

The challenge is that we are often our own worst critics. We are so much harder on ourselves than we are on others. Although this can be a strong belief, it’s a false, limiting belief. Challenge it. What would you tell a team member if they felt the same way? 

5.  Feeling like you are unworthy of help or comparing your struggles to others. 

Lastly, you might feel like you aren't worthy of support. You don't ask for help because you don't want to bother other people. You don't feel deserving of help. You feel like a failure. You don't talk about your trauma with your peers because they've been through "worse." You perceive them handling their issues with greater ease, and you feel inadequate. 

Maybe you were involved in the same traumatic incident as other members but in a peripheral role. You tell yourself, "It's expected and okay that Sally is getting support; she was the one who went through the worst of it." And then you don't want to get help for yourself because your experience wasn't "as bad." 

It’s important to remember that everyone has a different response to trauma. Everyone’s susceptibility to PTSD depends on numerous factors, and different traumatic events affect people differently. The fact that you are struggling is not a reflection of your strength or character.

Conclusion: 

Although there are many other barriers, I wanted to share some common ones I’ve experienced or heard from others. If you feel like you could use some support but face internal resistance, try to identify what prevents you from picking up the phone. If you can identify the barrier, you can do something about it.

Everyone is responsible for reducing stigma and creating an environment where our peers feel comfortable asking for support when needed. It already takes incredible courage and strength to reach out, and we owe it to ourselves and our peers to do our part in reducing stigma and eliminating these barriers.