I would argue that there isn’t a first responder out there who would intentionally want to alienate and belittle those who struggle with their mental health. However, what if it’s not malicious actions creating stigma but our everyday actions and words?

I wish I could say I have always been accepting and nonjudgmental, but I’ve also been guilty of bias and contributing to stigma. One day, as a junior officer, I was sitting in the report room at the station when another officer told our group about a recent critical incident. I was told one of the involved officers had gone on “stress leave.” I remember thinking, “That call didn’t sound too bad. Why would they be struggling with that one?”

I couldn’t understand why and made assumptions to fill in the gaps. Even though I was struggling with PTSD myself at the time, I was looking at the incident from my perspective – and my false beliefs about how I would have handled it. I held this attitude for some time, ironically (in)secure in my false sense of competence and self-worth.  

A few years later, I met that officer and heard their story. I learned that they had unimaginable traumas before becoming a police officer. That particular incident – the one I had been judging – had been the straw that broke the camel’s back. I felt ashamed of myself for the internal bias I possessed and the assumptions I had made. If only I knew the whole story... But that’s the problem – I will never know the full story.

As time passed, I started to see how people’s words and actions were reinforcing the stigma around mental illness. I had my own struggles with PTSD and have been very open about it. Despite this, I would hear other officers openly disparage others who reached out for help. This stigma would often be reinforced by simple comments: “Oh, did you hear about John? I heard he’s back on stress leave. I don’t know why. That guy is lazy. He's probably milking the system.”

Then when they remembered my challenges, they would say, “Oh, well, of course, you are struggling, you’ve been through the shit. But not John, he’s definitely faking it.”

When I heard these things, I would think, "If you are saying that about ‘John,’ what would you say about me if you didn’t know my story?”

Or worse yet, when members openly brag about how they weren’t bothered by their latest critical incident. “Yeah, that call was a mess, but I’m fine. It’s all part of the job. I’m not a wuss.” This sends the message that anyone who struggles has something wrong with them.

It’s not about your intent. It’s about how others perceive your comments.

It's not just the "big things" that create stigma—it’s often found in the little things, the gossip, the judgments, the off-hand comments—small actions and words that can devastate people. People who are struggling already feel alone and feel like something is wrong with them. They are often their own worst critics, full of self-judgment and criticism, and the last thing they need is to hear it from others as well. When you are in a dark place, your mind will take these little comments and blow them out of proportion.

The other challenge is you never know who is struggling – and with what. Sometimes, the strongest person you know might be the one who is hurting the most, and they are trying to build up the courage to ask for help.

If your reaction is to deny this exists, please check yourself and think deeply. Have you ever used alienating language? Have you ever heard others doing so? It’s up to all of us to create a culture that supports struggling people. We need our people to understand it’s okay if they are not okay.

I recently heard a quote that effectively captures my sentiments: Empathy cannot exist in the same place as judgment and assumptions.

Empathy means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and attempting to understand how they feel. We demonstrate that through our behaviors when other people are struggling. Do you react to news with empathy, or do you respond with judgment? An empathetic approach would involve statements such as, “I’m proud of them for reaching out. It takes a lot of courage.”

My misguided attitudes and beliefs when I was younger taught me that I will never truly know the baggage people carry. It’s better to approach every situation with an attitude of empathy and curiosity and give the benefit of the doubt.

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