Why Avoidance Is the Enemy in Trauma Recovery

I used to have a dog. Like most dogs, it preferred our backyard for its bathroom activities. Although I usually stayed on top of cleaning up, for whatever reason – one winter – I wasn’t as diligent as I should have been. It was a year with lots of snow, and I seemed to always be able to find an excuse to avoid going outside to clean up after him. “It’s too cold today. Oh, it just snowed. I’m busy today. I’ll take care of it tomorrow.”

It didn’t help that I was deep in the throes of my PTSD and depression – which sometimes made even the most basic of tasks nearly impossible to do. That winter, I kept kicking the can down the road until springtime. Once the warm weather started melting the snow, I saw the results of my avoidance. My backyard was like a minefield – it was a catastrophe!

Shamefully, I went outside to begin the task I had avoided all winter. Every turd I picked up caused me to curse my previous self for not taking care of it earlier in the year. I was frustrated with myself because I knew it was such a simple task that I had avoided until it snowballed into a massive undertaking. In the ensuing hours, I resolved never to let the cleaning situation get out of hand again. You can be assured that I never made that mistake again.  

What does this have to do with mental health and recovery from trauma?

I’ve been through a lot over the years. I’m no stranger to avoidance coping mechanisms—I sure got a lot of experience with them after I returned from Afghanistan. I realized that, like my backyard, our minds need continuous maintenance to keep us healthy and sharp. To be healthy again, we must apply positive coping mechanisms to process and integrate our experiences.

The problem is that avoidance can be insidious and tricky to notice. It’s not always like the landmines in my backyard—greeting you whenever you take a peek.

Some people practice avoidance through drugs and alcohol, others with video games or other mechanisms of escape. Avoidance can occur by not participating in the things that cause you stress, whether shopping, driving, or social events. The challenge is the more you avoid the stressors and reminders of your trauma, the stronger they become. The dog doesn’t stop shitting in your yard, and your stressors only cause more stress until you apply a different strategy.

The key is learning how to embrace the struggle. Post-traumatic growth teaches us that growth can only occur through the struggle. If you continue avoiding it, not only does it worsen, but you will also not experience the growth you are primed for.

I’ve learned how to embrace my struggles the hard way. I’m sharing this with the hope you don’t make the same mistakes I did and can speed up your process of recovering from trauma. With that in mind, here are my top four steps to help avoid avoiding so that you can harness your growth:

Steps to Combat Avoidance:

1. Acknowledge and Accept: Recognize when you feel stressed or anxious and try to label your feelings accurately. Accept these feelings without judgment or immediate reaction. For example, if I’m driving and start getting angry, I will take a moment to examine why I’m feeling that way. Once I can accurately label my core feelings as anxiety, I can start addressing that instead of letting the anger consume me.
2. Embrace Rather Than Avoid: When facing a trigger, instead of turning away, engage with it at a manageable level. This could mean gradually exposing yourself to feared situations or simply allowing yourself to feel anxious without reacting. If crowds are my biggest challenge, I might start by going to a grocery store on a Monday morning. Once I recognize I’m safe, I might go when it’s a bit busier, eventually decreasing my response to those triggers.
3. Reflect on Actions: After encountering a stressful situation, reflect on how you handled it and what you might do differently next time. This can help break the cycle of avoidance. Remember to be patient with yourself because there will be setbacks and challenges.
4. Seek Support: If you suspect you have PTSD, professional help from a psychologist is crucial to speed up your recovery and ensure you are on the right track. You are not alone, and there are plenty of supports to help you. Specialized support is available in many forms, through therapy, support groups, or simply venting with a trusted companion.

Conclusion

My journey through PTSD and grief taught me that avoidance is the enemy of recovery and growth. Although avoiding cleaning up in my backyard provided short-term relief, it ultimately led to a bigger mess in the long run - mirroring how avoidance exacerbates our struggles. Now, I see my challenges as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles to be avoided. Every time I experience struggle, I get to practice my coping skills, process my traumas, and get one step closer to becoming more. 

The key to recovery and growth is embracing the struggle instead of avoiding it. I know from experience that if you have shit to pick up... That's not a can you want to kick down the road.